he said, she said....
by DarkAngelDeSade
Summary: Thoughts after the kiss....also added that second part that was asked for...
1. Default Chapter

Logan  
  
I don't know why I didn't argue when she denied the kiss. Maybe I was still dazed from the surgery, or just shocked that she would broach the subject at all. I had thought I would never see her again...and I tortured myself, again and again, with the memory of that kiss. Now she's negated it, blaming the whole thing on an overflow of emotion. I'm not sure what to think anymore...  
  
Max  
  
Maybe I was wrong to shoot Logan down like that, but after the dream, or whatever the hell it was that we shared, I was a little freaked. I saw the look in his eyes, the need flaring bright, and it occurred to me that he was in love. And then, before I knew it, I was a babbling mess, explaining it all away. But what really got me was how fast he agreed to everything I said...maybe I was wrong about his feelings for me, maybe he was embarrassed when I kissed him...I don't know what to think...  
  
Logan  
  
I know I shouldn't have agreed when she was making excuses. I should've taken her in my arms and held her tight. I should've told her that everything was going to be fine, that she didn't have to worry anymore. That's what I should've done...but it's too late now. Besides, she probably would've broken my arm if I had tried anything. But that's just how Max is...she hates feeling penned in, trapped. It makes her mean...she can't help it though...she was made that way.  
  
Max  
  
I mean, sure, I kissed him, but I did it because I wanted to...simple as that. It's not like there was an underlying reason for it...seemed like the thing to do at the time. You know, the big weepy ending, two people torn apart...it was drama, that's all. But I knew he would make it out to be more than what it really was. That's just how Logan is...he's the tragic loner, the martyr...it's in his blood...  
  
Logan  
  
After that kiss, that amazing, exciting kiss, I drove back home in a daze. I had to stop myself several times from turning around and going back to her. I tried to think of all the reasons not to go back...but the image of Max leaning in my window and covering my mouth with hers...that was almost enough too break my resolve. I attempted to turn my mind to other matters, but the entire day leading up to, and including, the kiss kept replaying in my head...  
  
Max  
  
I'm sure he thought about it all the way home, I saw how shocked he was after I broke the kiss. I was a bit shocked myself by the emotions that welled up as I watched him drive away. I didn't know it would hurt. I had never felt like that before...and I've had to leave lots of people behind. Zack took my mind off the pain, but only until the next morning when I tried to call Logan and got Bling instead. And then there was pain no matter which way I went...having to choose between Zack and Logan. Zack tried to stop me from going, he actually raised his hand to me, but he didn't understand that I had to go back.  
  
Logan  
  
I knew why she came back, well...at least I thought I did...until she denied me. I had spent hours replaying the scene...her face dipping towards mine, her liquid eyes, so expressive, closing slowly as she pressed her lips against my mouth. My own sudden intake of air, a smothered gasp in the split second before I began to return the kiss. The way her tongue briefly touched mine...she tasted of honey. God! How long I had wished for this to happen, but I had never imagined that she would take the lead! I plunged my hands into her hair, feeling the silky strands between my fingers. An incredible feeling of 'want' came over me and I flashed back to the night I first saw Max. She was an angel...an angel that had dropped my body guard like a bad habit. Of course I was intrigued when she smashed through my window and ran off into the night. After all, we were on the 18th floor. But even if she had left by the front door, I still would've tracked her down. My curiosity had been aroused, but at that time, my intentions were less than honorable. I simply wanted her...and I was used to getting what I wanted. But all that changed once I got to know her, I still wanted her, but in a completely unexpected way...  
  
Max  
  
I still don't have a clear cut answer as to why I came back, but I found myself reviewing that kiss as I made my way to Seattle. I've never really kissed anyone like that before, and it scared me...my body took control and I felt...hell, I don't know what I felt. But as I was kissing Logan, my senses all jumped up a notch. His lips felt like silk and his stubble was sandpaper. I heard his heart speed up, and when he put his hands in my hair, I could feel each individual strand that he touched. I parted my lips and lightly touched the tip of my tongue to his. It was like an electric current connected us...and it was then that I broke the kiss. I was overwhelmed. Me! I've fought Lydecker and his goons for years, stood against the Russian Mafia, and escaped from a maximum security compound when I was a child! But that kiss scared the hell out of me...and I can't figure out why. I've been trying not to think of it anymore there's just too many reasons against this ever going further than it has...and I'm confused, which I hate...so I guess the next move is up to Logan. Who knows, maybe it'll work itself out, right?  
  
Logan  
  
I'm such a fool. I love her and I'm still lying here in bed, going over and over my thoughts, instead of doing something about it, like telling her how I feel! She made the first move...and retracted, I'll admit...so this time it's up to me. God, Max...I want to spend the rest of my life with you...why is that so hard to say? The worst that can happen is that she'll shoot you down again. Like the old saying goes...nothing ventured...nothing gained...  
  
Max  
  
'BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP'   
It's him...  



	2. part 2

Logan  
  
I'm sitting here, waiting for Max, trying to get up the nerve to bare my soul. I paged her a long time ago, and she's still not here. I'm getting more nervous as the time passes. What if she doesn't come, what if she knows why I want her to come over, what if she doesn't want anything to do with me? I don't know if I could take that. I mean, I *really* don't know. After everything we've been through together, she has to know how I feel. I don't think I could live without her.  
  
Max  
  
OK, so he paged me. He made the first move, just like I wanted. So why am I standing outside his door, unable to step inside? I can sense him in there. He's worked himself up into a frenzy. I can almost smell the fear coming off of him. What's he so afraid of? Lil' old me? Afraid I'm gonna tell him off? Afraid we're gonna have another one of those 'awkward' moments, like we did in the hospital room? And what the hell am I afraid of? Must be something, 'cuz I'm still out here in this damn hallway.  
  
Logan  
  
She's not coming! It's *never* taken her this long to show up after I page. It's been an hour, at least! OK, so it's only been fifteen minutes, but it feels like an eternity. She doesn't feel the same way about me, and somehow I knew it already. How could she possibly? I'm older than her. She must see me as a big brother. Maybe I'm just her meal ticket, a boss. Someone else to give her orders. A slightly nicer version of Lydecker, just trying to get her to do my bidding. This is turning out to be much worse than I *ever* imagined...  
  
Max  
  
I can hear him in there...of course, I've got my ear to the door...but that doesn't matter. I've got to recon this situation, can't walk in there unprotected. Can't let myself get hurt again. God, I wish I could just shut down this soldier crap, but it's like it's been tattooed into my brain! Whenever I feel threatened I turn into this cold, unfeeling *thing*, and I hate it. Why can't I just trust him not to hurt me? This is Logan we're talking about, not Zack, not Lydecker....Logan. I mean, yeah, he hurt me in the hospital room. He agreed way too quick when I denied the kiss. I wanted him to argue with me, tell me that it meant something to him. But he didn't. I should just go in there and get this over with, let him say his piece about how 'we're not like that' . Even though that's not what I want, I think I'm ready to accept it...  
  
Logan  
  
Why can't I just admit to her how I feel? It's not that hard to just swallow my fear of rejection and say, "Max, I love you...always have, always will." How hard is that? God, I've been practicing what to say for weeks now, I can't possibly screw it up. Some man I am. I can try to save the world on a daily basis, but when it comes to baring my soul, I turn into a blabbering idiot. There must be an easier way to handle this. Maybe I should've just called her, not given her a chance to get away. No, that isn't right either. I have to get up and do *something* because the waiting is killing me.  
  
Max  
  
What's he doing in there? It sounds like he's pacing, rummaging through drawers...what was that? Lighter...he's lighting candles. And was that a bottle opening? He probably made dinner...but I don't smell anything. God, look at me. I'm out here like some preteen with a crush, lurking around and hoping to catch a glimpse of my boy. *My* boy...I guess I'm already to that possessive part of our relationship. What am I talking about! What *relationship*? No wonder he got over that kiss so fast. I mean, who would want a super-charged-genetically-enhanced-killing-maching as a girlfriend? How intimidating is it to know that the woman in your life could beat you down with *both* hands tied behind her back? That's it, I'm going home, I don't need this kind of pain.  
  
Logan  
  
The candles seem to help the pounding in my head. And the wine doesn't hurt either. If she's not coming then I might as well get drunk. That way I don't have to think about *any* of this. I'll probably never see her again...  
  
Max  
  
OK, I can't seem to move from this doorway. I'm just sitting here, leaning back, knowing that the only thing separating me from Logan in three inches of oak and my own fear of rejection. I can *smell* him, for god's sake...that fresh-scrubbed, clean sheets sort of smell. He's still pacing around in there...is he that nervous about blowing me off?  
  
Logan  
  
That's it! I can't take this anymore. I can't sit here in a dark room, drinking away my sorrows! I'm going over to her place, and if she's not there, then I'm going to that club she hangs out at, and if she's not *there*, then I'm sticking to Original Cindy until Max shows up. I have to do this, I have to stand up and make her listen to me. I *will not* live the rest of my life regretting that I didn't tell her the truth in that hospital room!   
  
**Logan practically runs to the door, throws it open and instantly trips over Max, who is still sitting in front of his door. They end up in a tangled heap on the hallway floor**  
  
"Hey...," Max says calmly.  
  
"Hey, yourself...," Logan answers.  
  
**Logan looks deeply into Max's eyes, sees the beginnings of tears and the buildup of insecurity. He doesn't even try to extract himself from the twisted mess on the floor, he just reacts.**  
  
"Max, I love you!" Logan blurted out, "I have since the moment I first saw you and I will always love you! I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell you..."  
  
**Max let out a joyous cry and wrapped her arms around Logan, kissing him deeply. They stayed there on the floor for quite some time, not saying anything, silently declaring their love for one another**  
  
Max  
  
It's OK! It's really OK! He does want me, he does love me, and he knows I feel the same way. I know he won't hurt me, but I have to work on my trust...this is exactly how I hoped this would work out....  
  
Logan  
  
Thank you, God. Thank you....  
  
  
  
  



End file.
